In which I am becoming my mother

My parents came into town one summer to visit, and we took my mother to Park City for a bike ride. I felt sort of bad for my mom, because we rented her a cruiser bike, and my husband and I were on our road bikes. It was a warm day, and we had a long, beautiful, but exhausting bike ride.

Mom and me posing on our bikes

On the way back, we stopped by to fill up on gas. I put the nozzle in the car and was waiting for it to fill when my husband jumped out the passenger side.

"Hey, you want get something to eat? I'm starved."

"Sure, fine," I agreed, knowing that my mom would probably give us grief for whatever we chose to buy.

We went into the store, bought a few snacks, and then hopped back into the car to go. I was driving off when a woman walking in front of my car stopped and stared at me, horrified, with her hands over her mouth. Puzzled, I looked in my rear and side view mirrors. 

Oh. SH*T. I had driven off with the nozzle still in the car. Gasoline was pouring out of the pump and splashing onto the ground. Completely embarrassed, I put the car into park and ran back to the pump, where I stopped the gas with my hand. The attendant came out to the car, and I handed him the detached pump. 

As I got back into the car to leave, my mom was sitting in the backseat reading something on her phone. "Don't worry, I've done that before," she said. "Except I drove all the way home with it."

Mt. Whitney, part 1

By this time, my mom had been training for her Mount Whitney summit bid for several months, as documented here, here, here, and here. Finally, near the end of the summer, my mom told me that she and my dad were going to head up north to Mount Whitney Portal.

Road to Mount Whitney Portal (Source)

I asked my dad if they would be planning to take it slowly to summit, and it turns out that my mom was planning to hike it alone and my dad would just hike part of the trail. I thought it probably wasn't a great idea for my mom to attempt such a long hike alone, so I gave my dad a call.

"Hi Dad, are you guys on your way up to the Mount Whitney trailhead?"
"We are go to Mammoth. Stay there one night."
"Mammoth? Why?"
"It close-by and Mommy wants to get used to the heights."
"The heights?"
"For the thin air."
"Oh, you mean the altitude?"
"Oh, yes, the altitude."
"Do you think it's a good idea for Mom to hike this alone?"
"No, but you know your mother."
"Mmm... can't you try to slow her down by having her carry more stuff or something like that?"
"We already try that but I prefer take my time so she just go ahead. She try to meet up with the church group."
"The church group? You mean Kay Maser's group? Oh, that's great!"
"Yes, with Kay. But your mother cause so much trouble they don't want her but we go to try to meet them up."
"Wait, so is she going with the group? Or she isn't?"
"No I tell you they don't want her but she go anyway to meet them up. But she already get kick off the group."
"Okay... so she's going to try to meet them there and join them anyways? Even though they don't want her to?"
"Yes."
"Ooooo-kay..... Wait- don't you need a permit to hike Mt. Whitney? Did you guys get permits?"
"No."
"What? But you have to reserve those way in advance, I thought!"
"We go to day of and sometimes have permits extra."
"Oh."

Then I got these videos via email:

Only my mother would try to power a summit bid with mixed greens, fruits, and salmon.

I got busy at work, and then about a week later, realized that I had never heard back from my parents and that I should probably find out if my mom was still alive...

Lost in the Woods, Part 4

I promise, that my mom does actually make a bid for Mount Whitney, and I will indeed tell you about it.

But first, I was digging through my email and noticed this one with the subject line: "SGV Hikes (Covina, CA) - Meetup". And below, the email itself:

And who said my mom never learns?!?!

Lost in Vienna

This past September, my parents traveled to Europe.

First of all, imagine what it must be like traveling with my mom to a different country. She insists on bringing a hot pot so she can continue cooking in hotel rooms. She asks her helpers to pack all sorts of fruits and vegetables for them, despite the family's repeated experiences of having to eat everything at customs or throw it all out upon arriving at the destination country.

And my poor father, now he has to travel alone with my mom.

My parents continued to use their iPhones in Europe, despite whatever exorbitant fees they ended up paying. So once in a while, I would get text messages from them. But imagine my surprise (or should I have been surprised?) when I received this one.

DAD: I cannot find mom please help.

What???

ME: Where are you? What happened? Did you try Find My Friends?

DAD: We are in Vienna. Mom get mad and run off. Her phone off.

ME: Dad, I can't help you from here. Is she at the hotel? Try the local authorities, and if they can't help, the US Embassy.

....

Twelve or so hour later, I texted him again.

ME: Did you find mom?

DAD: Yes.

I got the full story later. Apparently, they were at a cafe, and even though it was busy, they were loitering about and taking their time. Since my mom is super cheap, she was slowly sipping at a glass on wine (at this point in the story, I exclaimed, "Mom was drinking wine?!?!") and my dad was nursing a beer. The waiter was fed up with them taking up space and not buying anything, so brought my dad another beer even though he hadn't asked for it. My mom, furious at my father for ordering another beer, stormed off. She even turned off her cell phone so my dad couldn't reach her. But they found each other again eventually, and I wish I could tell you that they lived happily ever after.

I mentioned this story again a few months later, and my mom denied that she had been drinking wine. So who knows what actually happened...

Wednesday Photo-day

My dad showing off high fashion hiking wear in his Cerveza jersey and his button-down shirt stuffed under his cap for addition sun protection. Oh, and those are Transition lenses- he wore them for my wedding and subsequently looked baller while walking me down the aisle.

Oh yeah.

My mom, also exhibiting the latest trends in hiking-appropriate clothing: a tennis skirt, my old P.E. shirt from junior high (somebody has been raiding the bags I've set aside for Goodwill!!!), and a button down blouse. This trend of wearing button down blouses as sun protective gear has led to my sister and I buying my mom actual UPF button down shirts- one of the few gifts that she actually uses. However, she will often misplace the shirts we've bought her and go back to wearing filmy long sleeved button down blouses- as in the type most people would wear in combination with a nice skirt to go to work.

Happy Wednesday, folks!

Drought

As many of you know, California is heading toward an epic drought.

Snowpack comparison between 2013 and 2014. (Source.)

You should all know that my mother is doing her part to combat drought in California. I called her the other day while California was getting "lots" of rain and she was bragging about how she had large wastebaskets out in the backyard and had collected several gallons of water already.

Why waste the water coming off your roof?

See, because I had sent a spy out to LA a few months ago, I already knew that my mom was collecting rain water. In fact, she is so serious about this, that she hired somebody to dig huge holes in the backyard so she could put water collection barrels to collect the runoff from the roof gutters.

My family lived in California during the great drought of the late 1980s and early 1990s, so we know how it's done. How are you doing your part to conserve water?


(Disclaimer: This post is entirely tongue in cheek. My mom doesn't give a crap about conservation. But she DOES care about money- at least when it has to do with the water bill (not when it has to do with airline baggage fees, though...) And water gets expensive during a drought. The best example of this: whenever we traveled as kids, my mom would always take a bath every night because she didn't have to pay for water. Things haven't changed. The first time she visited me at my condo, she first asked if we pay for water, and we don't- the HOA does, so she took a bath every night she was here.)

Lost in the Woods, Part 3

My mom hiking in nice smoggy LA

As chronicled here, and here, my mom got this crazy idea to train to climb Mount Whitney, but since she is unable to get out of the house early enough or use a map, she leaves late and gets lost.

Remember when I made my mom promise that she'd never do it again?

I was on call in the Surgical ICU one night when I got another text message from my dad. Again, my parents had gone out hiking and had headed out in the late afternoon for a long hike. My mom had forged ahead without my dad, and it was again, many hours past dark, and my mother was nowhere to be found.

Fortunately, my dad did have cell reception at this trailhead, since I was taking care of sick patients and unable to coordinate the search efforts from Utah again.

Around midnight, Search and Rescue was called out, and searched briefly... and around 2am, I got another call from my dad, saying that they had called the search off. The weather was good- in the low 60s, so if my mother was still out there, she would be fine through the night.

Fine through the night?! But what if she had fallen and gotten hurt??? Or attacked by a mountain lion??? But there was nothing I could do. I continued taking care of my sick patients and tried to ignore the fact that my mom was out in the middle of the wilderness in the middle of the night.

Finally, we were on morning rounds when I got a text from my dad that they had found my mom. Relieved, I let out a "Oh thank God" in the middle of rounds, prompting my attending to pause rounds and look at me.

"Oh, my mom's been missing all night and they just found her."

"JESUS, Alice, that's been going on all night and you haven't told us?!" He had been on call with me all night.

I guess I hadn't explained that this was quickly becoming a commonplace occurrence.

I called her a few hours later and she got upbraided by an irate and post-call daughter for doing exactly what she had promised not to do. Apparently she had tried to head back early enough (apparently NOT early enough...) and had gotten lost in the impending darkness. She had found a group of hikers who were camping out for the night and joined their campfire until day broke so she could head back down to the trailhead. But I got this explanation a lot later. I was too mad (and too post-call) to listen to a thing she was telling me the first time around.